( Clint doesn't look at the captain as he speaks. His hysteric laughter, at least, has subsided, but now he is just silent, head in his hands. He's listening, of course, and he can't disagree with what Steve's saying. But there is a stark difference between knowing, nominally, where the true fault lies and feeling absolved of what he's done.
When he finally speaks, he still sounds a bit incensed, but his voice echoes, hollowly. )
But it's not about what might have happened, is it? It wasn't Nat or Hill or Coulson. We've all got to deal with the crap that happens to us and the things we do. You think I don't know that?
( Of course he knows it. He is one of SHIELD's best agents, one of the most competent men in the world. He may not be a scientific genius or an enhanced super-soldier, but he is a man hardened by years spent in the shadows, working to protect a world that doesn't know he exists. Clint Barton knows a lot about sacrifice, and pushing down his own feelings, and doing what needs to be done.
So maybe what's really bothering him is how much this effected him. How much his conviction's been shaken. How he feels like he's falling off a cliff, scrambling to find purchase in the rocks. But he'll be damned if he'll let himself hit that ground. )
It's not a matter of being destroyed, or broken--those things have already happened to me.
Today, we saved the world. Tomorrow, I have to get up and deal with those things.
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When he finally speaks, he still sounds a bit incensed, but his voice echoes, hollowly. )
But it's not about what might have happened, is it? It wasn't Nat or Hill or Coulson. We've all got to deal with the crap that happens to us and the things we do. You think I don't know that?
( Of course he knows it. He is one of SHIELD's best agents, one of the most competent men in the world. He may not be a scientific genius or an enhanced super-soldier, but he is a man hardened by years spent in the shadows, working to protect a world that doesn't know he exists. Clint Barton knows a lot about sacrifice, and pushing down his own feelings, and doing what needs to be done.
So maybe what's really bothering him is how much this effected him. How much his conviction's been shaken. How he feels like he's falling off a cliff, scrambling to find purchase in the rocks. But he'll be damned if he'll let himself hit that ground. )
It's not a matter of being destroyed, or broken--those things have already happened to me.
Today, we saved the world. Tomorrow, I have to get up and deal with those things.